I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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