dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
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