So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I still have a little drunk in my system
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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