Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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