It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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