So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
