Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
