I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Randomize
