it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
