I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize