it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
