What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
