I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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