put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize