Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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