Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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