your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
