I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
