I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize