Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
