My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
