Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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