When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize