when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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