she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
