You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
