I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
