i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sext me about skeletons
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
