I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize