he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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