Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize