I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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