I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The uberlube is also flammable
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
