whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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