Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize