i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
