If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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