Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
