..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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