im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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