You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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