We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
