you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
This house was built for laser tag.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
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