yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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