The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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