Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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