Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
