flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
