the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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