Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
