Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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