best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
