Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
