I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
my poor anus
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
