so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
