Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
