SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Randomize
