it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
