I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
