if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
