dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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