just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
