You smell like a Billy Joel song
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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