Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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