we should wear snuggies to the strip club
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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