she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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