Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
