Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Randomize
