i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
