highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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