Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize