Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
