4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I would fuck him just for his dog
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
