I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
