Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
