I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
