You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
