how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
