if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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