WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
