if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I cut my penus on the lid.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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