My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
