found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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