what day is it and did you see me today?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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