i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
