the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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