the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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