If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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