i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
