Nicole vs. Life
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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