I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
