somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
