hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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