Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
