I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
