Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
