Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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