Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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