Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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