is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
