just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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