You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
