you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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