it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
