how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
