Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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