i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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