Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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